Religion and Master/slave dynamic

In Honor of Easter this past weekend, i would like to take a moment to discuss hoe Christianity works with my “super taboo” lifestyle.

In society, BDSM is very much too taboo for regular conversation. But, in many ways it is also very traditional, for U/us anyway.  BDSM is becoming less and less taboo in society as we can see from the rise in popularity of 50 shades, the increase in availability of restraints in adult toy stores, websites like fetlife, and an overall liberation with sexual preference across the board.

Many people think that all things sexual are bad in the eyes of Christianity.  The idea that pleasure is sin is pretty ingrained in the minds of many people, both religious and otherwise.  However, i believe differently. i believe that staying firm in my faith is not a contradiction to O/our relationship.  For one thing, in the Bible, it is suggested that we “go forth and mutliply.” Additionally, if we are to believe that God made us and the world in perfect reason, why would sexuality be derived throughout the entire body?

When a man and a woman become “husband and wife” it is worded in a way that sets up a hierarchy of serving and responsibility.  God is at the head of the hierarchy, with the Husband serving God and protecting and caring for those beneath him on the hierarchy. Next comes the wife, who is to serve her husband and protect and care for the children. This is a perfect fit for Master and i within our dynamic.  As a Dominant, it is His job to protect and care for His submissive.  He takes on the responsibility to make decisions and to provide guidance and direction to His submissive. As His submissive, i serve His will while also assuming the most direct responsibility for O/our home and children.

What if you are Christian and do not fit the male Dominant/female submissive roles?  Don’t worry!! My personal beliefs on this are that God knows your heart, and Jesus has atoned for your in ability to fit the “perfect” expectation many people use in an attempt to get us all to conform.

 

Loving Dom vs. abuse?

With so much in O/our relationship revolving around control, spankings, humiliation, and using of my body, it is easy for someone to come to the idea that this may be an abusive dynmaic rather than a loving one.  So many of the aspects of BDSM in general could be misused in an abusive way. That beings said, the simple way to tell the difference lies in consent.  Before venturing into this dynamic, Master and i discussed limits and comfort zones. Also, before Master and i try something new, we discuss it beforehand.  Another key is safe words. Though i rarely use them, i know that if i do use them, Master will respect them.

Master and i have a relationship built on love and respect.  Master may use “degrading words” or bark commands to me, but he doesn’t ever disrespect me.  Master loves and dares me. He cares for me and protects me. He pushes my limits ONLY when i am okay with them being pushed- in fact, if i am being completely honest, more times than not i am asking Him to push His limits for me during playtime.

Many abusive partners demand control, use hurtful words, physical intimidation and pain to weaken their partners. There are also people in the BDSM world that use their “kinks” as a way excuse abusive behavior. When looking into beginning a dynamic with someone new, watch the way the treat you prior to beginning. Someone that demands obedience before you agree to submit to them, that can be a major red flag.

Loving names

i have spent a great deal of time here discussing how Master and i came to get our respective roles and titles. But, i don’t believe i have discussed other names used rather than just Master and slave.

To start, the names i am to call Master are as follows:

• Master
• Sir
• My love (to be used only in public situations)
• Baby (again to be used only in public)

 

Master on the other hand has many many names for me, and uses them in a variety of situations.

• slave
• submissive
• baby
• slut
• bitch
• dirty slut
• whore

 

While the first couple are rather straight forward, a few on that list have a very negative connotation to most of the world.  To me these words mean differently than something negative. To be called these words is actually a good thing, it fills me with pride to know that Master uses me as His slut or whore.  Traditionally speaking these words mean someone who is used for sexual pleasure with little need of romance in return.  It is my aspiration for Master to use me as He sees fit, including in a sexual way. As far as being called His bitch, it shows me that he views me as loyal and unconditionally his- just like a dog 🙂

In actuality all of these words serve to remind me that i belong entirely to Him, and that is a fantastic feeling ❤

Surrendering ALL of myself

Within the Dominance and submission world of play there are many different kinds. Given, like anything in human nature it seems to be more of a sliding scale and fluid.  That being said, in my many hours of research early on i came across the idea that there are different “levels” of Dominance/submission.

What i found was that there are Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive and Master/slave, “levels.” These levels, from what i understand, have to do with the ammount of control exchanged. Within a Top/bottom dynamic, the Top makes decisions and is the Doer while the bottom has much more control of themselves and is the Doee. When moving into a Dominant/submissive role, there’s even more power and control handed over to the Dominant. That leaves the most control being given in a Master/slave dynamic. All of that being said, they are after all only labels and your dynamic is only what you make it regardless of the official title.

When Master and i began this journey we were very unaware of the overall lifestyle that comes with the BDSM community.  All of the information i initially found suggested that the difference in title was a VERY important decision and rather than being more fluid and unique they were hard fast RULES to the dynamic.  So, when i approached Master about the difference in the labels and which level of control He would like to have, it was not a decision made lightly.

Part of becoming a slave is relinquishing ALL control to your Master. Together, Master and i chose these labels as that is the power exchange W/we both envisioned when starting to fantasize about the future of O/our relationship.

Even though i had a crucial role in picking these titles, there were still (and still are today) some parts of myself i found more difficult to surrender.  It came completely naturally to surrender myself sexually to Master as that has always born my preference, even in the vanilla world. Surrendering my service (for example getting Master’s clothes ready for Him or making His food), also completely natural as doing for those i love is part of how naturally i show them that i care for them.  On the other hand surrendering household decisions, controlling my attitude, and learning to organize my time to take on extra things around the house was much more difficult to me.

Before Master and i entered into this dynamic W/we were just an ordinary couple. But even before that i was a single parent.  After years of making all of the important decisions  on my own, it had become a habit. When Master and i started living together i handed over some of the decision process to Him anyway, just a byproduct of a two-adult household. But when it came time to give Him ALL of the decision say-so, it was much harder.  The biggest reason that part is harder for me, is i just kind of make many decisions on my own and go with it-never even realizing a decision was made.  Then, if i do catch myself in advance i have to trust that Master is making the right decion.  Sometimes this is easy-he decides what i would so its no big deal.  Sometimes, he doesn’t make a decision i would.  Now, here’s where the fluidity of our dynamic comes in and possibly crosses the Master/slave vs. Dominant/submissive “line.” Being that W/we do have children and we coparent on an even field, i do have some say so when it comes to decisions that affect them. But, i have to watch my attitude while voicing said opinion.

This is probably the absolute hardest part for me.  Not that i am naturally a mean or rude person, i am just not very used to not getting my way, and i am a Scorpio so that means i am overly passionate in ALL directions.  i often don’t realize i have a bit of an attitude problem when not getting my way- until its too late. That being said, i do believe i have improved and i hope that when Master reads this, He will agree. But learning to contain my raw emotion is difficult for me.

Another issue i have had is fitting everything together into my day.  On the surface i know that what Master asks me to complete in a day is really not much. However, when you have children, pets, work, school, etc. there are many monkey wrenches just waiting to foul you up your plans.  Over the past year, i have learned to plan for those things to happen and to have a general back up plan in mind.  Even this may not seem so diffcult to most people but it is truly a struggle for me as i am not a natural planner.

The only other part that i find rather difficult to deal with mentally is submitting to punishment. Punishment is definitely part of the dynamic, and in my option it is essential in our case. i do not argue with Master when i know i have earned myself a punishment, however, i do have trouble with it. The first couple of times I received a punishment- not funishment- i remember once curling into a ball once and panicking completely, another time i got really mad and told Master it wasn’t right to hit me so hard and ran out of the room.  Both times, after a few minutes i realized that i definitely over reacted and i did in fact deserve my punishment.  Adjusting to being able to see immediately that Master is not enjoying punishment either and that it is necessary has been difficult.  i hope that i am improving in this area as well 🙂

As always, if you have any questions you’d like me to answer or something you’d like to learn more about let m know in the comments and i will do my best to address those ideas in a future post.

 

Submitting once again

He is my Master, i am His slave. He is the decision maker, the strength, the firm guiding hand that keeps O/our life moving in the right direction. On the other hand, i am the listener, the one that obeys, the servant and the support that holds U/us together. Unfortunately, life gets hectic, and things happen that detract from the normal way of things. Master and i are human at the base of it all.

Over the past couple of years, Master and i have fallen in and out of the Master/slave dynamic.  Things like kids, work, bills, and family situations have caused us to pull back from our respective roles.  Until recently, we thought we needed a whole new set up, rules, protocol, etc ever time we left and came back.  This time i see that the problem hasn’t been O/our setup each time, but just a fact of life. This time, i have decided to stick with the regular program and just jump back in to where i am most comfortable- on my knees.

It is my hope that as W/we move forward each time this happens, W/we can continue to grow closer and more comfortable in O/our roles.  Previously, i believed that since W/we kept falling out of O/our dynamic in times of stress, illness, or personal turmoil it meant that W/we weren’t “true” Master/slave.  Recently, i read a wonderful piece of writing by someone on fetlife, (i unfortunately do not have the source, but am looking to find it again for proper recognition here).  This piece of writing suggested that it is totally normal for Dominants to feel less dominant at times, and that the best way to help a Dominant get back into their dominating ways is to support them and continue to fulfill your role as a submissive. When i was reading this post, i could feel guilt over take my heart.  i had failed to do this for Master.

Over time i started to expect my Master to just reassume the role when He was ready.  The problem with this has been that by me slipping so completely back out of my role i have essentially taken back the gift of my submission. Accidentally, i impressed upon Master that my submission is dependent upon His behavior. While it is hard to serve someone’s every command when they do not make any commands, there are many things i could have been doing the entire time to reinforce His dominance, even during times when he maybe wasn’t feeling very dominant.

One example of this would be to continue to call Him Sir or Master, even if He wasn’t asking or expecting me to.  Another would be to continue to ask His permission when i wished to do things that broke from the normal routine (like lunch with a friend.). Maybe if i had put a little more effort into maintaining the dynamic while W/we were on hiatus, it would not be so difficult to start up again.

On the other had, each time W/we revamp our relationship, everything feels new and exciting again.  i am very anxious to see where this goes from here.  i will make it a point to write my feelings out here more often, as i feel like the writing time is good for my mind and my soul and makes me that much better in service to Master.

i am always looking for new things to write about, so please leave comments and questions!!!

What a Real Spanking Feels Like

So it happened.  i was fully aware that i messed up.  Master knew it, i knew it.  When Master instructed me to strip and prepare for punishment, there was clearly a difference this time. What has always hurt my heart, and stung my bottom was about to be worse than ever before.  Master had such a confident and determine air about Him.

As i laid across His bed and prepared for the worst, i felt this wave of fear come across me like i had never experienced during a punishment from Him before.  Expecting a small warm up lash with His belt, i prepared.

As the belt came swiftly and hard i heard it crack upon my bare bottom and felt the sting much deeper than every before.  Master watched as my body trembled and shook with slight shock of the powerful blow.

As Master told me to never disrespect Him again, i agreed- hoping to soften the next blow.  Then swiftly i heard and felt the next impact.  my rear end feeling like it was on fire, my body trying to crawl away from the pain, my mind knowing i needed to stay put, and my mouth apologizing through pained moans.

One by one the belt hit harder and faster than i had ever known before. With each smack i gripped onto the bedsheets with my fists tighter trying to diffuse some of the pain.  my little wimped grew slightly with each sting until it was one long moan of pain.  Master, knowing that i was done, reminded me of who He is and that He demands my respect-ALWAYS.  i turned to face Him, my head lowered, and thanked Him for my punishment and apologized for acting like i did.

Not that it should matter the force of the punishment, but i am now fully aware that my Master has in fact come into His own and that each punishment from here on out will leave a lasting affect on my mind and my body.

What About subdrop and After Care?

i don’t usually write two posts together, but i believe the discussion of subdrop and after care should be discussed with discussions of subspace (see that blog post here) as the two go hand in hand. 

After a trip into subspace, my body and mind are left depleted. Physically, i am left weak, usually with a drop in body temperature, tired and incapable of tending or recognizing to my own needs. Mentally, my mind slows down a lot, my emotions are all over the map and often conflicting, and i am left yearning for tender comfort and praise.  

This is where aftercare becomes crucial.  Depending on the session that brought about such extreme subspace, after care looks different within O/our relationship.  That being said a few things are constant- if i need to walk anywhere, Master is right by my side to ensure i do not fall, Master helps to keep track of and tend to my basic needs: being clean and warm, making sure that i have nourishment, and that i am hydrated; and possibly most important of all, Master always makes sure i feel loved and appreciated. 

Without these crucial moments of aftercare while experiencing subdrop, i would be left feeling abandoned, alone, used, or even possibly physically ill from not having my physical needs met.