Within the Dominance and submission world of play there are many different kinds. Given, like anything in human nature it seems to be more of a sliding scale and fluid. That being said, in my many hours of research early on i came across the idea that there are different “levels” of Dominance/submission.
What i found was that there are Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive and Master/slave, “levels.” These levels, from what i understand, have to do with the ammount of control exchanged. Within a Top/bottom dynamic, the Top makes decisions and is the Doer while the bottom has much more control of themselves and is the Doee. When moving into a Dominant/submissive role, there’s even more power and control handed over to the Dominant. That leaves the most control being given in a Master/slave dynamic. All of that being said, they are after all only labels and your dynamic is only what you make it regardless of the official title.
When Master and i began this journey we were very unaware of the overall lifestyle that comes with the BDSM community. All of the information i initially found suggested that the difference in title was a VERY important decision and rather than being more fluid and unique they were hard fast RULES to the dynamic. So, when i approached Master about the difference in the labels and which level of control He would like to have, it was not a decision made lightly.
Part of becoming a slave is relinquishing ALL control to your Master. Together, Master and i chose these labels as that is the power exchange W/we both envisioned when starting to fantasize about the future of O/our relationship.
Even though i had a crucial role in picking these titles, there were still (and still are today) some parts of myself i found more difficult to surrender. It came completely naturally to surrender myself sexually to Master as that has always born my preference, even in the vanilla world. Surrendering my service (for example getting Master’s clothes ready for Him or making His food), also completely natural as doing for those i love is part of how naturally i show them that i care for them. On the other hand surrendering household decisions, controlling my attitude, and learning to organize my time to take on extra things around the house was much more difficult to me.
Before Master and i entered into this dynamic W/we were just an ordinary couple. But even before that i was a single parent. After years of making all of the important decisions on my own, it had become a habit. When Master and i started living together i handed over some of the decision process to Him anyway, just a byproduct of a two-adult household. But when it came time to give Him ALL of the decision say-so, it was much harder. The biggest reason that part is harder for me, is i just kind of make many decisions on my own and go with it-never even realizing a decision was made. Then, if i do catch myself in advance i have to trust that Master is making the right decion. Sometimes this is easy-he decides what i would so its no big deal. Sometimes, he doesn’t make a decision i would. Now, here’s where the fluidity of our dynamic comes in and possibly crosses the Master/slave vs. Dominant/submissive “line.” Being that W/we do have children and we coparent on an even field, i do have some say so when it comes to decisions that affect them. But, i have to watch my attitude while voicing said opinion.
This is probably the absolute hardest part for me. Not that i am naturally a mean or rude person, i am just not very used to not getting my way, and i am a Scorpio so that means i am overly passionate in ALL directions. i often don’t realize i have a bit of an attitude problem when not getting my way- until its too late. That being said, i do believe i have improved and i hope that when Master reads this, He will agree. But learning to contain my raw emotion is difficult for me.
Another issue i have had is fitting everything together into my day. On the surface i know that what Master asks me to complete in a day is really not much. However, when you have children, pets, work, school, etc. there are many monkey wrenches just waiting to foul you up your plans. Over the past year, i have learned to plan for those things to happen and to have a general back up plan in mind. Even this may not seem so diffcult to most people but it is truly a struggle for me as i am not a natural planner.
The only other part that i find rather difficult to deal with mentally is submitting to punishment. Punishment is definitely part of the dynamic, and in my option it is essential in our case. i do not argue with Master when i know i have earned myself a punishment, however, i do have trouble with it. The first couple of times I received a punishment- not funishment- i remember once curling into a ball once and panicking completely, another time i got really mad and told Master it wasn’t right to hit me so hard and ran out of the room. Both times, after a few minutes i realized that i definitely over reacted and i did in fact deserve my punishment. Adjusting to being able to see immediately that Master is not enjoying punishment either and that it is necessary has been difficult. i hope that i am improving in this area as well 🙂
As always, if you have any questions you’d like me to answer or something you’d like to learn more about let m know in the comments and i will do my best to address those ideas in a future post.