Why is Punishment Necessary in my M/s Relationship?

While not every Master/slave relationship incorporates punishment, it works very well for Master and i. There is truly a difference in discipline and punishment, though the two often go hand in hand and many people use the terms interchangably.  Discipline in a Master/slave relationship is about teaching the slave what is right and wrong as well as control of the slave’s self and emotions.  Punishment can be an important part of teaching these things.

Master often uses spanking as a punishment and has begun to incorporate other things as well.  i will include a list of possible punishments at the end for easy reference.  Punishment takes the lessons further for me.  Rather than just praising my good deeds and behaviors, Master uses punishment to reinforce when something is wrong.  This helps the infraction to stand out in my mind and to help deter me from continuing the same misbehavior in the future.  Punishment is not fun for me, and is down right embarrassing for me. (For more on my feelings when being corrected read this blog post.)

While i greatly dislike punishment, i understand that it is a helpful training tool for Master. Without it, i feel that i would make the same mistakes more as it would fade away in my mind.  That being said, i strive for the day when punishment is no longer needed.  That day will mean that i am able to please Master flawlessly.
Some punishments Master has used, or we have discussed are:

• Spankings with various tools (different than play spankings these a fierce, quick, and without warm up)
• Time out in my naughty corner to reflect on how i have displeased Master
• Cold showers (with or without allowing a towel to dry off)
• Sexual acts i am not particularly fond of
• Writing assignments
• Restriction of cell phone use
• Restriction of free time
• Extra tasks added to my chore list
• Orgasm restriction for a set amount of time or forced extended orgasm

How Did i Know Being a slave Was For me?

In the BDSM world, there are so many terms that people use interchangeably. From what i have noticed, there isn’t one true definition per se for any of them.  When W/we began our Dominant/submissive journey, i refused the label of slave.  i had read somewhere that slaves were basically mindless people who do only exactly what they are told, and that is not me.

Throughout O/our journey Master has always preferred His title of Master, though He does allow me to call Him Sir in more public arenas. For Him it was never a question of identity, just what He was most comfortable with.

For me, however, it was very different.  i have always preferred to be dominated in the bedroom, but as i relinquished more of myself to Master, W/we decided i would be His submissive. Upon deciding to be His submissive i began exploring more of myself.  Looking back at previous relationships i had, deep fantasies i had never expressed, and little things previous boyfriends had done that i enjoyed. i quickly realized i had always leaned toward being a submissive.  With that self realization I knew undoubtedly that being a submissive is for me, and always had been i just lacked the terminology to call it that.

Once Master began coming into His comfort zone as a Dominant, and i began flourishing under His leadership, W/we discussed my title again.  In my mind, being a slave is a more perminant role than submissive.  Also, i think of a submissive as being someone that maintains a certain ownership of themself. To me the idea of being slave meant that i was giving myself perminantly to Master down to the tiniest things.  Master knows my preferred limits, but in becoming His slave i relinquished those limits to Him.  He is now in control of my limits as well as everything else. W/we love it this way and so that is how i know that being His slave is what’s for me.

How Important is Structure in a M/s Relationship?

Structure is one of the most important factors in O/our Master/slave relationship. i feel that it is second only to communication.  Having structure equates to security in my role.  By knowing what is expected of me and when i am better able to serve Master.  If my expectations were based on Master’s whim i would never know how to please Master, our what to expect. This would end up leaving both Master and i frustrated and almost never on the same page.

There is structure not only in my role, but also in my tasks.  Without completing my tasks in a structured way, i would probably be unable to get them completed. Master helped me to decide when each chore should be completed, and by following those recommendations i am able quickly get through my daily chores.

The bottom line is that in almost any relationship there is some form of structure, even if it is a lack of structure.  In a Master/slave relationship structure is imperative to keeping everyone on the same page, feeling secure within their roles, and getting done what needs to be taken care of.

How Does Correction Make me Feel?

When i have not completed my duties to Master, or i have been disrespectful to Master, it is necessary for Master to discipline me.  Usually, this includes a punishment of some kind.(For more on why punishment is necessary in O/our relationship, please read this blog post.)   i understand that this is an important part of O/our relationship.  The short answer to how this makes me feel is ashamed and loved.

The primary feeing during and after discipline and correction is shame.  i am ashamed that i have disappointed Master.  Master does so much can for me, and when i do not live up to the standards he has set it greatly disturbs me.  i know my rules, and what is expected of me. Master doesn’t ask more of me than i am able to do, so there is really no excuse for my needing to be corrected. i also feel shame that my actions caused Master to go against His want to not punish me.

Discipline and correction also make me feel loved.  Master does not enjoy having to correct and punish me.  However, Master does so out of love for me.  Master knows that in order for me to be fufilled in this relationship, my service should eventually become flawless (well, close to flawless- no one is perfect after all). When Master goes against the in grained theory that He should never treat me badly by society’s standard, it is an internal struggle.  With each smack or minute of punishment i know that Master is fighting Himself.  Why does He do it then? Because Master’s love for me is so strong.  i know this and feel it fully with each act of discipline- and i thank Him for it.

What Ownership means to me?

In today’s society, women are encourage to be independent, equal partners to their spouses.  In my opinion, while a woman should know her strength and should be able to live on her own, there is a certain strength and freedom that comes from belonging to my Master.  Having been a single parent and used to being everything for everyone at all times, i found it truly exhausting and always felt like not enough.  When Master agreed to make the transition from being my fiancée to being my Master, a great deal of pressure can off of my shoulders.  Now, i trust that Master will help me to spend my time wisely and make sure that everything is done when it needs to be.  By giving up the control and the responsibility, i am able to still do everything i would be otherwise, but in a more fulfilling and meaningful way.

Many people think of women as being irrational, emotional, demanding, and over controlling.  i will admit, i fit these stereotypes when our relationship began.  Over time i have become better at controlling my emotions and i have learned to better communicate with my Master.   A Master/slave relationship eliminates many of the “typical” relationships struggles and requires a clear line of communication between partners.  This has truly been the quiet blessing W/we weren’t expecting.

Also, i believe that a family functions better with a traditional dynamic with the man as the head of household.  When there is a conflict, the final decision belongs to Master.  i trust that he will make the best decision for U/us at the time.  This isn’t to say i don’t get to voice my opinion, Master is very thoughtful and often asks for my opinion, and usually goes with my first choice.

Even though many people worry about what you give up when you give someone else control of your being, i have gained so much!! It truly is only in serving Master that i have ever felt so free.