He is my Master, i am His slave. He is the decision maker, the strength, the firm guiding hand that keeps O/our life moving in the right direction. On the other hand, i am the listener, the one that obeys, the servant and the support that holds U/us together. Unfortunately, life gets hectic, and things happen that detract from the normal way of things. Master and i are human at the base of it all.
Over the past couple of years, Master and i have fallen in and out of the Master/slave dynamic. Things like kids, work, bills, and family situations have caused us to pull back from our respective roles. Until recently, we thought we needed a whole new set up, rules, protocol, etc ever time we left and came back. This time i see that the problem hasn’t been O/our setup each time, but just a fact of life. This time, i have decided to stick with the regular program and just jump back in to where i am most comfortable- on my knees.
It is my hope that as W/we move forward each time this happens, W/we can continue to grow closer and more comfortable in O/our roles. Previously, i believed that since W/we kept falling out of O/our dynamic in times of stress, illness, or personal turmoil it meant that W/we weren’t “true” Master/slave. Recently, i read a wonderful piece of writing by someone on fetlife, (i unfortunately do not have the source, but am looking to find it again for proper recognition here). This piece of writing suggested that it is totally normal for Dominants to feel less dominant at times, and that the best way to help a Dominant get back into their dominating ways is to support them and continue to fulfill your role as a submissive. When i was reading this post, i could feel guilt over take my heart. i had failed to do this for Master.
Over time i started to expect my Master to just reassume the role when He was ready. The problem with this has been that by me slipping so completely back out of my role i have essentially taken back the gift of my submission. Accidentally, i impressed upon Master that my submission is dependent upon His behavior. While it is hard to serve someone’s every command when they do not make any commands, there are many things i could have been doing the entire time to reinforce His dominance, even during times when he maybe wasn’t feeling very dominant.
One example of this would be to continue to call Him Sir or Master, even if He wasn’t asking or expecting me to. Another would be to continue to ask His permission when i wished to do things that broke from the normal routine (like lunch with a friend.). Maybe if i had put a little more effort into maintaining the dynamic while W/we were on hiatus, it would not be so difficult to start up again.
On the other had, each time W/we revamp our relationship, everything feels new and exciting again. i am very anxious to see where this goes from here. i will make it a point to write my feelings out here more often, as i feel like the writing time is good for my mind and my soul and makes me that much better in service to Master.
i am always looking for new things to write about, so please leave comments and questions!!!