Another awesome question, submitted by STAR (thank you 😊)! i would imagine the transition is very different for every person. In my mind the change from fiancée to slave was like a light bulb went off. We had very loving and awesome relationship already, however, i always felt like something was missing. After years of being romantically involved, raising our two children together, and beginning to plan a wedding we had discussed over a million things and that missing piece never showed itself.
One night, while reading in an online forum, i came across someone discussing their Dominant/submissive relationship. Suddenly a lightbulb went off in my mind, and i started asking a million questions. Then my google search began. The more i read, the more i knew i had found the missing piece of myself.
After days of reading i began what i anticipated would be a very awkward and humiliating conversation with my very vanilla (a term i had recently learned) fiancée. i explained what i had read online and asked what He thought. He seemed a little put off, so i asked him to just do some reading on it and suggested W/we talk about it again.
A few days later, He still hadn’t gotten back to me about it, so i decided to test drive the idea. I remember that mornings perfectly. W/we went out to breakfast. i let him choose the restaurant, i asked for His opinion on what i should eat, any time He asked for anything i jumped to get it done, etc. Essentially, i put myself into the submissive role on my own.
Master is no fool, so He caught on rather quickly. He let me think i was tricking Him for almost all day. Then He told me He knew what i was doing, and He liked it as well. And that is where O/our story truly began.
The next few weeks were a blur of passing links, information, and ideas back and forth. Between U/us W/we must’ve read over 100 different sites, blogs, posts and E-books. Then W/we sat together and wrote out O/ur first list of rules… They were very situation specific and left too much undiscussed.
W/we started with a very light dynamic. i wanted to jump in head first but Master needed more time to ease into it. This was a very frustrating time, for both of U/us i believe. Additionally, in many areas, this was the first time i had relinquished control to Master. I often had mini power struggles within myself while attempting to submit to Master. When He would miss something that happened, i started breaking rules just to see if He would enforce them. As any one might, Master grew tired of my brat routine. W/we have experienced periods where W/we slipped out of the dynamic and back into O/our vanilla selves.
Each time W/we slipped out of the dynamic it got harder to get back into it. i feel like W/we both felt defeated each time it happened. Over time, W/we decided to put it into writing and thus, O/our contract was born. i say that it was born because it is a living document. W/we both understand that as W/we grow and O/our relationship changes, some of the things in the dynamic will also change.
It has been a roller coaster of emotions trying to find our sweet spots within O/our roles. There have been days W/we are both totally motivated and focused on O/our dynamic. There have also been days one or the other felt it was a lost cause. There have even been a few times i “quit” (though those almost always end in a pretty harsh punishment because rather than discussing the problem i grow frustrated and say that i quit). i am always quick to apologize and beg for forgiveness, however, these times do happen.
Most of O/our “down time” is related to communication. Sometimes there is a slight break down in communication between Master and i. When this tiny breakdown happens it creates a fast spiral and suddenly W/we aren’t on the same page anymore. At this point, W/we just regroup, reassess and adjust and try to jump right back in rather than letting something little create a large gap in O/our dynamic.
i think like so many relationships, even in Domant/submissive relationships, you get this idea that it’s always going to be perfect (like the honeymoon period) but then inevitably, life- especially when you have children around- gets in the way. Sometimes when you don’t live up to that ideal it feels awful, but what i have realized is that Master and i need to remember that W/we are human and so long as W/we keep working at improving communication and connection O/our relationship will continue to flourish.