Yesterday’s post on Maintenance Spankings got me thinking about why i crave Domination in general. When asked to describe myself i would normally say that i am strong willed, self reliant, independent thinking, smart, and loving; everything’s society expects of a wife and mother these days. Society teaches girls from a young age that they should be strong yet sweet, polite yet sexual, mature yet light hearted, independent and a go getter, a full time business woman with a successful career, a flawless mom, a doting housewife; essentially to be everything to everyone.
Many times women who choose to stay home and “only” care for their home, husbands, and children are viewed as weak and inferior. They are often chatisized and looked down upon by other women, men and society in general. This ideal woman who is all powerful is what i had always aimed to be.
Being that i have considered myself a strong, independent woman, why do i feel this urgent need to be submissive to Master? i believe that, like most things within the human mind, the answer can be found on many levels, working together to create our inner most desires. In my opinion there is a biological component, a “traditional” societal component, a spiritual component, an emotional component, and, in my case, a personal history component.
Let’s look at the biological aspects. Animals rely on instinct for the survival of their species. When birds fly south for the winter for example, this is a vital instinct for the survival of their species. All animals have an instinct to reproduce. For humans this historically meant that females provide young while Males take a mate and provide security for the off spring. When you look at the physical anatomy you see that Males are made to penetrate while females are to be penetrated. For sperm to meet an egg, the Male must ejaculate, the female releases the egg regardless of female enjoyment.
Additionally, scientists (forgive me i don’t recall the source, if anyone would like it drop a comment and i will find it) have studied why sex takes “so long.” The study found that evolutionarily speaking, the shape of the penis and the “competition” to last the longest may be a result of multiple Males ejaculating in the same female. They theoreticized that by using the shape of the penis and a longer time to ejaculation, Males were able to scoop out other semen and deposit their own.
While the article doesn’t discuss female submission, it seems to me that it would suggest an evolutionary component of submitting to Males taking them. When you consider that it wasn’t until recent history that marital rape was even considered a crime within the US it could lead to the idea that women have for millions of years been given the only option of submitting to Males. It seems, similar to the inate fear of snakes that even infants show, submission may be a partially ingrained instinct.
While today’s society puts women and men on an equal playing field within the family dynamic, (if not putting women in a higher position) it’s not that long ago that Men were considered the boss of the home. This to me is the ideal family set up. The final decisions and responsibility are up to the Husband. In my mind this dynamic would down on a certain amount of common marital disputes; and, so long as both parties are working toward the greater good of the family, provides a certain level of relief and stability for the wife. Growing up, i viewed my grandparents relationship as perfect. They had been together since they were teenagers, they always worked as a team, and although her opinion was always considered, Grandaddy had the final say (though it was usually in line with what Grandma had to say).
Without getting to deep into my religious and spiritual views (as this isn’t the time or place for such discussion), put simply i identify as Christian. There is this concept within the book of the Husband serves God, while the wife serves the Husband. i am sure this entire concept of biblical submission helps to influence my complete submission to Master.
Emotionally, serving Master allows me to feel special, valued, and important. In my submission, i have given Master something no one else has given him before; and He is sharing with me parts of Himself he has never shared with anyone else. i feel fufilled and purposeful when Master uses me to complete tasks, keep His life comfortable and enjoyable, and to satisfy His sexual needs. The fact that He values and trusts me to care for these needs for Him is truly beautiful in my eyes.
Now, for me there is also a personal history that i feel enhances my ability and need to submit to Master. Having been in an abusive relationship in the past, i felt oddly reminiscent of some of the aspects of my relationship that society tells me is wrong. i missed explaining my where abouts, i missed asking for permission, i missed the feeling of being controlled. At the time i couldn’t understand why i was missing things i had greatly dispized at the time. i felt like there was something wrong with me. When i began researching Dominant/submissive relationships, i realized that i was missing the submission, not the abuse; and that the two are not the same thing. submitting willingly to someone i love is beautiful, where as what i had experienced was forced submission and abuse. (Because this section is included, i feel this section deserves a mini discussion of its own. I seriously considered leaving this part out as i do not want to further the stigma that all people who partake in BDSM activities are in some way “damaged” or mentally ill. That being said people who participate in BDSM are just that people, and some of us- myself included- are bound to have some kind of troublesome history.)
How do all of these aspects of my submission equate to craving Dominance exactly? Because i feel so strongly on so many levels that being submissive to Master allows me such freedom to be the best me that i can, i crave his Dominance over me to reassure my submission and fulfill the need in me to be submissive to Him. Just as there cannot be a moon with out a sun, an up with out a down, or a ying without a yang, there cannot be submission without Domination.